11 Weeks

I haven't puked in awhile, but I still feel queasy sometimes. You could probably say I have a bump if you looked hard enough. I still say it's just all the food I'm eating. I've always had a pouched belly, so it doesn't look any different to me. Which is fine. Most women don't show for another couple of weeks. Other parts of my body are changing too. This might come as a shock to some people, but I recently had to take my nipple piercings out. It was a disappointing day for me. I didn't even have them for six months. But the left one got infected easily and it got to a point where it wasn't healing like usually. I knew eventually they would have to come out so I could breastfeed, I'm just upset that it happened so soon.

With the situation I'm in, there is a lot of drama surrounding me. Drama I didn't ask for. But I'm carefully weeding people out of my life so that I can focus on the baby and my family. Sometimes, even your closest friends are toxic. It doesn't matter if they say they're gonna be there for you, because you know in the end, the only ones you can truly count on is yourself and God. Speaking of, I have realized how much of a blessing this baby is to me. Just the thought of raising a child brings me closer to God. It makes me angry when other people around me tell me how I should raise my child. It makes me REALLY angry when I tell them I plan on raising them a certain way and they return with, "No you won't. You don't want them to end up like *insert stereotype here*." I don't need advice from someone who has never had the intimate experience of raising their own immediate flesh and blood. Being an aunt is way different than being a mother. The only people I take my advice from is the Lord Almighty and the two parents that raised me into the strong, independent woman I am today. It's not a pride thing. It's not an ego thing. It's a mother thing. Unless you have been a mother, I don't want to hear it.

Maybe you can tell, I've been angry lately. I've been angry with the people in my life. I've been angry with my job. I've been angry with my lowered appetite. But I've recently obtained a new job away from all of the people that I let have this terrible power over me. I'm excited to be starting in a new place, doing a completely new thing. I won't know anyone. I can start fresh. The plan is to not get close to anyone, which I don't think should be too much of a problem. I get the feeling it won't be as fun, but it will be safe and stress-free (as far as drama goes). Starting something new always gives me anxiety, but it takes time to get used to something. For me, I strive to be the best in everything I do.

This journey is an interesting one so far, but I'm 1/4 of the way until the REAL fun begins.