I'm A Mom Now

As you an imagine, I've had a million and one things on my mind lately. For those who might be a month behind everyone else, I have had a baby. Willow Grace Alterman-Shavers. (I decided to hyphenate her last name so that when she's older, she can choose whichever name she feels she associates with more.) When I was pregnant, I had a plethora of people giving me unsolicited advice. "Don't spoil her." "You need to let her cry. It's good for her lungs." "Breast is best." "She needs to be vaccinated." "If you vaccinate her, she might become autistic." Thank you friends, family, and strangers. Really, thank you. Being a parent is the biggest responsibility I have ever taken on and I need all the help I can get. Now, there is some advice that I was given that did not resonate well with me. As a parent, you want the best for your child and it's your job to do what you feel is right. When I was in the hospital, nurses would ask me questions about what I want to do for her. Do you want to give her a pacifier? Do you want to supplement your breast milk with formula? Do you want me to take her to the nursery for a little bit? There were so many decisions I had to make and I wasn't prepared for any of them. I was overwhelmed and she wasn't even 2 days old. I had heard from other people and read in articles all of this information that seemed valid. "Don't let her out of your sight. Breastfeeding is the best way to bond with your child. Feed on demand. Etc." And I thought to myself, okay yeah. No problem. I can do all that. I was surely mistaken.

I was very unsuccessful with breastfeeding. In the hospital, I was beyond exhausted and breastfeeding was very uncomfortable for me. I didn't like that so many people were watching as I attempted it. Willow wouldn't latch on properly to my left breast and eventually gave up and rejected it before her first week of life, which forced us to start supplementing with formula. After giving birth, I completely lost my appetite. I stopped eating which of course meant there was no nutritional value in my breast milk. By the end of her second week, she was rejecting my right breast as well. By then, I was so tired and sore from pushing a human out of me, pumping wasn't an option. Formula became my life saver.

My baby cried a lot her first month. I think that's mainly because I was still trying to get the hang of things. I didn't know how much to feed her and when. Every baby is different so the whole "2.5oz every 3-4 hours" doesn't work for everyone. Not to mention when you're formula feeding, you can't just give your baby whichever formula is the cheapest. You have to test out different kinds to see what works best for your baby. We are on our second formula right now and it seems to be working well. When I switched from breastfeeding to formula, I felt an overwhelming amount of guilt. I wanted what was best for her, and it took me several days to realize that my breast milk wasn't the best thing for her. My mom told me that I also have to do what's best for me. Having a baby on my tit 24/7 was killing me. When I tried to sleep, I could hear voices shouting in my head. My back hurt so bad from carrying her and leaning over to changer her diaper, when I would lie down, I burst into tears. I was suffering. But as soon as we completely switched over to formula, baby and I were much happier. She was still colicky, but at least she wasn't starving.

It's been nearly a month and we're doing much better. I can read her better now and she cries less. As difficult as this mom-thing is, it's also really fun. I have a little tiny human that I get to play with as much as I want. She is so cute and makes the funniest faces. She farts a lot and she laughs in her sleep. I am so blessed to have this beautiful baby in my life and I would do absolutely anything for her.