Turn And Face The Strange

"There's Lots of Opportunities, If There Aren't You Can Make Them." - Pet Shop Boys (This does not go with the title at all....)

I'm in a very low place in my life right now. I had this thought in my head for years that nothing horrible has ever happened to me so one day, something completely devastating is going to occur. A few months ago, after I gave birth to my first child, I began to have thoughts about how I was going to die. I was 100% convinced that I would die in a car crash. Well, I thought I was going to get in a terrible crash and end up going to the hospital and I would die there because my injuries were too severe. On November 19, 2017 at about 1:45 am, that thought went away. I was in a car crash where my car was totaled. I'm so blessed to be alive. My outlook on life has completely changed. I wouldn't say I'm out of my depression, but I'm actively trying to get out of it. There are still tasks on this Earth I need to accomplish. I still have a purpose, or else I wouldn't be here.

I might not know what my purpose is, but I know it's not to work at the front desk of a hotel. No matter how fancy it is. I am completely unsatisfied now. I don't contribute much to the greater good working here. Sure, it brings me pleasure to make someone's day good and to put a smile on their face. But I was put here for so much more than that. While I do complain about my job, I really do like it and of course I could go far in my industry. I have unlimited potential. So why would I want to waste that in this role.

Before I got pregnant, I was very spiritual. I was on my way to reaching astral projection. I heavily believe in the universe and that we are all spirits traveling through time and space, living many lives in many dimensions. When I found out I was expecting, my spiritual journey came to a halt and my anxiety became a defining factor of who I am. I started to think about the world differently. I was afraid for myself and for my daughter. It seemed that as soon as I found out about my pregnancy, the modern feminist movement became very real to me. Social issues started becoming important. I thought about the world I would be bringing my daughter into and I realized how truly scary it was.

After the accident, I feel differently about the world. It's big and it can be scary, but we are all here for a reason and there really is nothing to be afraid of. We need to be strong and teach our children to be strong. After this wreck, I feel like I've changed. I feel like my old self. I feel like I'm the girl that is constantly trying to get better. I haven't let other people bring me down. I don't get annoyed by the things that don't matter. I don't feel overly dramatic. I feel good. Hopefully this feeling lasts a lifetime.