Decisions

My decision not to terminate my pregnancy was deeply and carefully analyzed. Like any woman in my position, an unwanted pregnancy is the WORST thing that could possibly happen. You never think it could happen to you... until it does. 

Every decision you have ever made has brought you to the point where you are now. My decision not to terminate my pregnancy got me to where I am today, and I couldn't be happier. I'm so excited to be moving on to the next stage in my life. Motherhood is something I always saw for myself. I wouldn't say I would make much of a wife, but I know I'll be a damn good mom. It's what I was made for. 

For some women, they don't quite feel the same way. I was that way for a while when I first found out. They never saw themselves as a mother. They don't feel they are ready to raise a child of their own. Or maybe their situation is a difficult one and they don't want to bring a child into that. The decision on what to do with a pregnancy is a woman's choice alone. 

My first reaction to finding out I was pregnant was to terminate the baby. I felt I couldn't stand the shame I would receive from the people I actually knew personally. They would apologize because this would be a horrible tragedy. A 20 year old, single mother. And with the situation surrounding the origin of my child, they would call me a hoe. I was scared. So I opted for abortion. The opinions of people I knew were far more important to me than the strangers who would be waiting to call me a whore and a sinner outside the clinic. 

But when I went to the clinic for the first time and I saw the little lizard inside of my tummy, something changed. Yes, I was still upset. I was still thinking of my option to terminate. But thoughts started running through my head of what it might be like to actually be a mother. Before I made any decision, I had already started changing as a person. I looked at the world differently. Everywhere I went, everything I did, I pictured a small child holding my hand walking next to me. I would be sitting at home writing, thinking about holding my child in my arms. I would picture myself singing to my baby while I was listening to music. I couldn't get the thought of being a mom out of my head.

When I saw my daughter in my tummy, I fell in love right there. It was a love I had never felt before. In the past, my parents have told me they would take a bullet for me and no one will ever love me like they do. It had never really hit me what they meant until now. I know how that love feels now. I would die for this little girl. I would do absolutely everything I could to protect her. Nothing makes me happier than thinking about holding her, seeing her smile, hearing her laugh. I can't wait to meet her. 

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Some women never have the feeling I felt. That's okay. Maybe they do, but to them, it isn't logically sound for them to have a child. That's okay too. If a woman decides to terminate, that's her decision. It's a sad one, but ultimately, it's all her. It's not a human's place to judge. We have a right to our opinions, but it is not our right to hurt others based on those opinions. (Some might say "so a woman hurting her unborn baby because of her opinion to terminate is okay?" You're the worst kind of person.) Unless you are going to help take care of that child after it's born, you have no right to say anything to that woman.

Be kind. Treat people with respect. Don't judge others. Don't be a dick.